Family

The Silence Isn’t Quiet…I Will Rise Up

“I’ll rise up in spite of the ache…and I’ll do it a thousand times again for you.”

I’ve been called brave and commended for my strength. As kind as those words are, I feel like a fraud.

How can I ever consider myself strong just for stomaching this horrible card I’ve been dealt?  Is it truly courageous to undergo all the surgeries and medical treatments because I felt like I had no other choice?

There are stronger, braver people out there. Men and women who lay their lives on the line every single day. How can anyone suggest I’m remotely similar to any of them because of my inability to create life?

But the thing is, I am strong. We all are. There is no competition in how we handle life’s trials because that’s exactly what they are–trials. These obstacles are difficulties we must face and no matter what they are, they do make us stronger. It’s our choice whether to bounce back after each blow.

And I have bounced back and I will continue to do so.

I’ve bounced back from the countless times I’ve gotten my period the same day someone announced their pregnancy…

I’ve bounced back from hearing a pregnancy announcement as I was simultaneously miscarrying my own…

I’ve bounced back from people asking me when we’ll be having kids and that ‘I better hurry up’ …

I’ve bounced back from feeling as if I’m a spectator to an event going on around me and feeling like an outcast…

I’ve bounced back from each surgery…

I’ve bounced back from failed fertility treatments…

I’ve bounced back from continuously feeling like I’m broken…

I’ve bounced back regardless of the imminent fear that I may never be able to carry a child of my own…

I’ve bounced back from letting infertility define who I am…

Bouncing back isn’t just a learned reaction. The ability to rise up is a type of strength, and do you know what makes us strong?  Love does.

Love for your family.

Love for your friends.

Love for your husband.

Love for God.

And don’t forget about love for yourself.

I am not a fraud because I am strong. I will rise up again and again.

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